Being A Wallflower Blogger

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All throughout my life, I've been shy. I've always wanted to talk and speak up but never quite had the courage too so when I discovered the world of blogs it allowed me to talk freely without the pressure of a social situation. And throughout my life in general, I've never loved attention, of course, there is always that teenager in turmoil stage but lots of attention makes me feel incredibly uneasy. Which is kind of strange when you blog for a living, I'm not saying that all bloggers go through life needing constant attention but they seemingly feel a lot more comfortable with it than I do. And over the past few months, I've realised I'm what I would consider a wallflower blogger. I don't like a big fuss and the thought of hyping myself up makes me want to vomit so I thought it might be an interesting topic to write about as I know that I can't be the only one who feels this way.

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what is a wallflower?

a shy or reserved person

To me, describing yourself a wallflower is very similar to saying that you're shy but there are a few more things to it. For me, it is, of course, being shy but it's also wanting to stay on the sidelines and quite literally be a wallflower. I never want a big fuss or commotion surrounding me and find myself struggling to get involved in things. And it's not a lack of wanting to, there are some parts of the blogging community that I absolutely adore and want to be involved in but the fear is real. The fear of being irritating to others or not being wanted and whilst I have no reason to think that way it's always been there in the back of my mind. The strange thing is that in most social situations, I really enjoy them and don't struggle to make conversation apart from when it's a large group. Which is where I guess my fears come into the blogging community. Because the blogging community is absolutely huge and when it comes to events etc, there is a vast amount of people whereas I thrive when it's either a small group or one on one. So how can the two work together? They certainly can and I see so many people create long-lasting and meaningful relationships throughout meeting at events and I think that's incredible so it's just finding a way to do it that works for you. 

Reaching out to new people is really scary for some of us. You never know how the other person is going to react or whether they feel the same way as you do about them. Connecting with others on a surface level can be easy, let's say you like the same foundation or something like that. But creating a meaningful friendship certainly isn't as easy and when you reach your 20's those are the friendships that you crave. Because your time is a lot more limited then it was when you were at school so I'm sure most of us want to spend our already limited time with awesome people. It's something that I've spoken about so often on this blog but it's still not a topic that is covered enough and for so many, the blogging world is how they make their connections in life, especially when it starts to become or your job or you work in another less traditional work environment. 

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IS IT A BAD THING?

When I realised I was a 'wallflower' blogger, of course, my second thought was is this a bad thing? And I don't think it is. There are always going to be the people who exude confidence, get involved everything and can talk to anybody without a second thought. Which is wonderful, but then I also think it's amazing when people navigate their way through life in their own way. Feeling shy and wanting to stay on the sidelines a little more is perfectly normal, but when it's something that is making you unhappy and feel regretful about certain situations then it isn't so great. So striking a balance between the two is key, because when you find yourself feeling this way I truly do believe that it is often down to your personality as well as a few other things that can be changed. I know that because I'm an introvert in real life as well as on the internet I don't find myself thriving in social situations like most do which is fine because that's who I am. I still enjoy those situations but they don't give me energy and I recharge when I'm alone. But not having the confidence to reach out or worrying that I'm being irritating or interrupting someone is definitely something I can get to work on.  We all have different ideas of the person we want to be online and this is how I want to be; 

  • to always be kind.
  • to try and consider other people as much as possible. 
  • to never judge other people and their circumstances. 
  • to take on other people's opinions and be open to change. 
  • to always listen. 
  • to learn from the experience of others. 

In day to day life, I think we see being shy or more reserved as quite a negative thing and it can definitely come off as standoffish when it's more than likely never that person's intention. Being more open to the fact that we all act in our own way is so important and it's no different in the blogging world either. And something that I always like to remember is that just because you might be talking the loudest that doesn't mean you're the most important person in that situation.

we all blog in our way

There is a lot of advice in the blogging world and I hold my hands up that I could have added to the noise of how you should run a blog or the things that you 'should' do. But over the years I've realised we all have our own unique process of how we create content and that's awesome. For some, they love to be the focal point of their blog and then some people like to spend hours styling still life images and neither one is right or wrong. Personally, I feel comfortable with a mix of both and I think we should encourage each other to forge our own paths in the online world rather than trying to replicate someone else's journey because they have become 'successful'. But that formula will never work the same way twice. There are undeniably different tips and tricks that we can pick up from other people sharing their process that we can implement in our own process but going with your heart and doing what feels good to you is the most important thing because it shows. 

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self promotion as a wallflower blogger 

This was something that I put out on Twitter a few days ago and quite a few people responded with a similar answer. And I don't think it's because I'm more of a wallflower blogger and more the fact I find self-promotion really difficult and always have. I used to be a little more ballsy but of course, then my overthinking and anxious mind took over and I worry that it's annoying to people. But typically when I follow people online now, it's because I want to know what they're up to and I want to know what they've posted incase I've missed it. So why would I not believe that other people follow me for the same reason? And you don't have to tweet every 15 minutes about what you're up to or what you've posted that day but a tweet or Instagram post/story never hurt anybody and if someone does find it irritating then maybe they're not the person for you

There are definitely ways to promote yourself without it feeling gross and uncomfortable because it's a very necessary part of being a content creator whether that is being a blogger, grammer or YouTuber. Because the online world is so busy now that it's a lot harder to stumble across someone's blog and if we don't shout about what we're creating then no-one else is going to do it for us. 

FINDING YOUR PEOPLE ONLINE

Like I mentioned earlier, finding those people who you can really connect with on a deeper level than liking the same foundation is really difficult but it can happen. Throughout my time online I've met one of my closest friends and connected with so many other amazing people and it takes courage to do that there is no denying it but once you do it once it feels way less terrifying. And there will always be times when the other person either doesn't respond or you just don't get on quite how you'd hoped which is totally fine. It might feel really scary to drop someone an e-mail, private message or even just a comment or a tweet to try and connect with them but more likely than not they will be kind back. Even though sometimes the internet can be the loudest yet loneliest place there are people out there for everybody to have some sort of relationship with, that is something I truly believe.

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Rebecca WarrinerPersonal