Fears I'm Trying To Face In The Rest Of 2018
Ironically, out of everything that I share on this blog talking about my fears is something that scares me the most. Opening up and sharing the things that scare me and riddle me with fear doesn’t feel easy, even when it’s to just myself let alone anyone else. But I’m really trying to face my fears and to make a start here are some of the things that absolutely terrify me.
being social on social media
The funny thing about social media now is that often it doesn’t feel very social. It can feel quite isolating and lonely sometimes but really I only have myself to blame for that feeling because if I don’t reach out to others then why should I expect it in return? In the past, I’ve got myself into such a tizzy about leaving on a comment on a photograph I love just in case the owner of that photograph thought I was weird but that’s ridiculous. There probably isn’t a person out there who doesn’t love seeing what people have to say about what they’ve put up online. I think as of right now we can get caught up with social media being a way to stroke our own ego and feel good about ourselves and forget about the connections that can be formed through it. One of the ways that I’ve been doing this is commenting on Instagram, I follow the people I do for the reason so it seems daft not to interact more. I started off small by making sure I left one comment a day and slowly but surely I’ve been building on that and the more I do it the more my confidence grows online.
TRYING NEW THINGS
I am such a huge creature of comfort when it comes to pretty much everything in life and one of those things, in particular, is work. I’ve set myself up this really comfortable routine with work where I know generally what works, what my audience is and what is well received so I stick with it. I have so many dreams and ideas of things that I would not only love to do but things I think I would be good at too. But I constantly talk myself out of them and let the fear completely demotivate me from pushing myself to do anything new. Comfortable bubbles are very inviting, they make us feel safe and like nothing will hurt us but they can also be really damaging to our growth.
I wouldn’t really say this is a fear and more something that I that I have quite a lot of anxiety around. Being self-employed means that no month is the same for me money wise which is something that can be great as there is no cap on how much I can earn but then there are also months where I could earn nothing. I’ve been earning consistently well for a good couple of years now but I still struggle to enjoy my money, I’m well aware how much this stinks of privilege but hear me out. Not knowing if you’re going to earn money the next month makes me really panic to spend anything and enjoy my money either so I agonise over purchases and 90% of the time when I buy something I always think about how I should be saving it for an emergency instead. As much as I think if you’re able to save a little bit of your paycheck then you should I do also think it’s nice to buy yourself something, whatever that might be. So taking that fear away from my wages and income is something I really want to work on.
The weird thing is I absolutely love deer which is why I chose to use these images for this post, I think they’re incredible, beautiful animals. However, a lot of places where I walk the dogs there is often quite a lot of deer amongst the woodland (even in really public parks) and Josie has chased them more than once. Not something I like her doing or have ever encouraged her to do but if you’ve watched the classic YouTube video called Fenton you will know sometimes dogs don’t listen. And it’s something that has completely ruined walks for me, Josie never gets lost (a common issue for sighthound owners) but I don’t want her near such big animals as I don’t want her to get hurt nor do I want to cause those animals distress. I’ve been gradually facing my fears of going back to where I’ve seen deer before and it’s not been easy. For months I had nightmares about certain woods and it was awful but I know that I cannot avoid them forever. Typically it’s when I walk the dogs on my own that I’m the most scared so making sure I’ve got my dad and Bella in tow helps and it means I get to spend more time with them too.