Why I Love Being A Little Bit Of A Loner
Even though I’ve written about loneliness so many times I still feel that edge of uncertainty about it. It’s still a word that has such negative connotations and try as I might there are just some mindsets that are harder to break than others. The reason why this post came into my head is because my boyfriend has gone back to touring and apart from a few days since August it’s just been me and the whippies. And to be honest, I’ve absolutely loved it and it made me realise just how much of a lone wolf I am and why it’s not a weird thing to be so happy in your own company.
THE FREEDOM TO BE SELFISH
Much like the word loner has negative connotations the word selfish has even worse stereotypes surrounding it but there is nothing wrong with being selfish when it’s appropriate. Obviously, there are certain ways to be selfish that are not at the cost of others and it’s taken me a long time to be comfortable enough to have that attitude. Constantly doing things to only appease others is not a good way to go through life, we all want to see our loved ones happy but that should never be at the cost of our happiness (all of this is within reason, of course). I absolutely adore my boyfriend but not having to adhere to his work schedule and constantly be worrying about what he’s doing gave me the space I needed to be a little bit selfish with my schedule and feel no guilt if I wanted to work late. It’s not something that I find spoken about enough but relationships come with a lot of compromises and sometimes it’s nice to just have to worry about yourself.
it’s not weird
Whenever I write posts like this I always think about how many other people might feel the same as I do but don’t dare speak up about it as way too often it’s seen as being weird. But enjoying your own company is not weird, it’s the complete opposite of weird. We as a society need to stop painting people who are happy in their company as loners or dangerous as all it does is stigmatise people who are alone not through choice which makes them feel even worse. The company of others is absolutely wonderful and something that I love even though it's not how I get my energy but it's not something all of us constantly want.
WORKING ON THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP
I still remember the episode of The Hills or was it The City? Where Diane Von Furstenberg said some sort of quote about the importance of having a positive relationship with yourself. And over 10 years on it’s still something that I try and live by and something that I’m constantly trying to work on. We’re always told to nurture and tend to relationships that we have with others but what about the one we have with ourselves? To be honest, I didn’t even realise that you have a relationship with yourself until I was older but now at the grand old age of 28 I realise how important it is for it to be a positive relationship. When you’re by yourself you have to like your own company, even though I have the dogs they’re not humans (as much as I might like to think they are). Sitting there and picking yourself apart isn’t good for anybody and of course, like any relationship, it has ups and downs but generally being at peace with who you are as a human is so important. And having a good relationship with who you are then makes the relationships that you have with other people a lot healthier too and you don’t tend to rely on their approval and company so heavily.
being an introvert & a homebody
If there is one thing I know for sure about myself it’s that I am an introvert and a homebody and luckily the two tie in pretty well together. I’ve always loved being at home, ever since I was a teenager. Which always made social occasions difficult as I didn’t love wandering around the cold streets or hanging out on a park, I was much more content at home playing The Sims. And it’s still something that I love now and if you offered me dinner out or an evening at home I know which one I’d pick but so often that’s considering boring and unsociable. There are plenty of ways to sociable in a home environment and that way you can also wear your really comfortable bottoms to eat. Being introverted I want to try and conserve my energy as much as possible and tend to avoid any unnecessary situations that I know completely drain me or make me feel uncomfortable. So for me really loud environments with a lot going on not only make me really panicked but it's not where I thrive, I shy away so much in those instances.
SOMETHINGS ARE WAY MORE ENJOYABLE ALONE
As I’ve come to really love spending time alone there are certain activities that I absolutely love doing by myself and my number one thing is taking myself out into the city, whether that be if I need to purchase something new or I want to work out the house for that day. Shopping is probably my number one activity to do alone, and I’m not just talking about shopping for new clothes either. Doing the food shop or going to buy the dogs their food is always something I somewhat enjoy as it gives me the time by myself to wander around at my own pace. Not having to worry about time or how someone else is feeling is so refreshing and not something that we get to do enough. Apart from getting out into the city the other thing that I really enjoy to do by myself is walk the dogs, I definitely miss the company from time to time but in general, it’s one of my favourite things to do. When it’s just me and the dogs not only do I appreciate their company much more but it gives me the time to properly mull over what I might need to do work-wise and I really savour that time.